Welcome
Welcome, ladies and esteemed Gentlemen, to our new site. As you may have heard, we had a contractual dispute with our previous server. Apparently "prostitution" and "plans for world takeover" don't agree with the tripod mantra. So here we are, with an easy to remember, hyphen-less name, albeit sans fat man in fox hat drinking beer. Yes, you win some and you lose some in life my friends, but remember, there are always opportunites ahead. Opportunities that you will probably be too drunk to remember, that might leave you in a jail cell playing little spoon under a bench to Carlos's big spoon, or in a pile of feces in someone's backyard- but opportunities nonetheless.
As for our old site (linked on right toolbar), after weeks of litigation at the behest of my esteemed colleague Sir Francis Xavier Esq., we have managed to hold on to its rights. Yes friends, you may view years of creme de la creme at any time. For our friends doomed to eternal damnation, you may also view this picture of The Original Virginia Gentleman at any time.
In my time away from the blog, I have had much time to ponder the world. I would like to share some thoughts with you:
When you're hanging out with a girl dog, known in layman's terms as a filthy bitch whore, does it want to hook up with you? I always feel a little awkward around them thinking about this. I keep telling myself, no Sir Nasty, you don't want to hook up with the dog and the dog doesn't want to hook up with you, but then it nuzzles up to my balls and licks the peanut butter, chocolate or what have you right off! Certainly there is something fishy about this, and that is why it's awkward to hang out with bitches.
How do wires always get tangled? This question has always perplexed me, but over the past weeks has hit a boiling point. How does it happen? You've got your DVD wires, your TV wires, your stereo wires and your vibrating butt plug wires. Somehow, simply by plugging them in next to eachother, they become a mangled mess. Even if I tried to weave them all together to make an unweavable shit storm, I couldn't do it as well as just laying them next to each other. Science cannot explain this phenomenon so it must be proof that there is a God, and he's fucking with us. And also that when it rains He's peeing on us.. and thunder is, in fact, His farts. Perhaps lightening is fiery hemorrhoids, but I digress.
The real question is, when is some Scientist going to create the untangleable wire? something where you put a blowdrier over it and it straightens out or some bullshit like rooting for the Eagles. I will get on this.
Speaking of hemorrhoids, I made my monthly trip to the analgesics section at CVS to restock my anal care stockpile. Much to my dismay, Tucks- maker of the ever-necessary and refreshing Tuck's wipes- has bought out Anusol. That's right ladies and gentlemen, you better get as much Anusol as you can, because those tubes on the shelf are the last you'll see. Hopefully Tucks has the good sense to keep the good name alive, if only for the sole purpose of female guests, when searching throught the medicine cabinet, come across the clearly labeled Anusol tube with the reddish brown goopy used applicator still attached.
Also speaking of poo, I'm sure you all saw that French guy headbutt that Italian. I never thought a Frenchman could be so aggressive and was quite amused by the ramming headbutt to the chest. Various lip readers have claimed the Italian called the Frenchman a dirty terrorist because his parents are native terrorist. This begs the question, where did all those balck people on the French soccer team come from? I thought French people were all skinny, white, hairy and rude. I suppose the Tony Parker's of the world have to come from somewhere, so I guess they're all naturalized gay lovers.
Well, ladies and Gentlemen, I have much more to share but I have some errands to run. These consist of being unemployed, eating a lot and masturbating three times a day. Until next time, faretheewell and God Bless the Queen of my Rectum.
posted by Sir Nasty Natroneus, Ph.D
Orator Excelsior
As for our old site (linked on right toolbar), after weeks of litigation at the behest of my esteemed colleague Sir Francis Xavier Esq., we have managed to hold on to its rights. Yes friends, you may view years of creme de la creme at any time. For our friends doomed to eternal damnation, you may also view this picture of The Original Virginia Gentleman at any time.
In my time away from the blog, I have had much time to ponder the world. I would like to share some thoughts with you:
When you're hanging out with a girl dog, known in layman's terms as a filthy bitch whore, does it want to hook up with you? I always feel a little awkward around them thinking about this. I keep telling myself, no Sir Nasty, you don't want to hook up with the dog and the dog doesn't want to hook up with you, but then it nuzzles up to my balls and licks the peanut butter, chocolate or what have you right off! Certainly there is something fishy about this, and that is why it's awkward to hang out with bitches.
How do wires always get tangled? This question has always perplexed me, but over the past weeks has hit a boiling point. How does it happen? You've got your DVD wires, your TV wires, your stereo wires and your vibrating butt plug wires. Somehow, simply by plugging them in next to eachother, they become a mangled mess. Even if I tried to weave them all together to make an unweavable shit storm, I couldn't do it as well as just laying them next to each other. Science cannot explain this phenomenon so it must be proof that there is a God, and he's fucking with us. And also that when it rains He's peeing on us.. and thunder is, in fact, His farts. Perhaps lightening is fiery hemorrhoids, but I digress.
The real question is, when is some Scientist going to create the untangleable wire? something where you put a blowdrier over it and it straightens out or some bullshit like rooting for the Eagles. I will get on this.
Speaking of hemorrhoids, I made my monthly trip to the analgesics section at CVS to restock my anal care stockpile. Much to my dismay, Tucks- maker of the ever-necessary and refreshing Tuck's wipes- has bought out Anusol. That's right ladies and gentlemen, you better get as much Anusol as you can, because those tubes on the shelf are the last you'll see. Hopefully Tucks has the good sense to keep the good name alive, if only for the sole purpose of female guests, when searching throught the medicine cabinet, come across the clearly labeled Anusol tube with the reddish brown goopy used applicator still attached.
Also speaking of poo, I'm sure you all saw that French guy headbutt that Italian. I never thought a Frenchman could be so aggressive and was quite amused by the ramming headbutt to the chest. Various lip readers have claimed the Italian called the Frenchman a dirty terrorist because his parents are native terrorist. This begs the question, where did all those balck people on the French soccer team come from? I thought French people were all skinny, white, hairy and rude. I suppose the Tony Parker's of the world have to come from somewhere, so I guess they're all naturalized gay lovers.
Well, ladies and Gentlemen, I have much more to share but I have some errands to run. These consist of being unemployed, eating a lot and masturbating three times a day. Until next time, faretheewell and God Bless the Queen of my Rectum.
posted by Sir Nasty Natroneus, Ph.D
Orator Excelsior
posted by The Virginia Gentleman at 11:04 AM
1 Comments:
Brilliant, you total fuck. Hope you've still got that Iraqi jumpsuit, which deserves its own post due to its unbelievable awesomeness.
When am I gettin' mine?
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